Top 15 Reasons Why My Chinese Phone is Better Than the iPhone

-By Vaibhav Kaushal

‚ÄčOnce upon a time, there lived a King, mighty kingdom of whose lay in the grandeurs of Amazonia. Okay, cut the crap!

Disclaimer: This post carries no offense towards Apple Inc. or its users. This is only a humor post. It does not intend to hurt anybody's sentiments or feelings. Anybody hurt or offended would barely mean overdose of Apple shit.

Now, it's high time people have been bitching around about "iPhone Competitors". Now, I don't own an iPhone neither do I bag a high end Xperia/Galaxy/Lumia thing. SO WHAT? Does that mean I ain't a nigga who can walk with his chin high. Now, the other day two happy blonds having that freaking machine, that bloody iPhone in their hands were making faces when they saw my cute Chinnu in my hands. Hell to that ! I own a chinese mobile phone and Sire, I be a man with dignity, especially after they gave me the IMEI. Yeahh !!

In here, I'm gonna let you bunch of guys showing off your usual shining white thing, know why you need to respect me too. Now I'm gonna give you reasons why my Chinese phone is the actual killer of your iPhone. Here ya go !!

iPhone vs Chinese Phone: Who's Got the Louder Speaker?

Yeah okay, you guys may think I'm into an out of my league boasting, but that ain't true. I actually had this idea of opening a disco using a dozen (ek darjan) Chinese phone, owing to the greatness of the speakers of my extra dynamic machine.

iPhone vs Chinese Phone: Who's More Portable?

Owing to the principles of aerodynamics and astrophysics, my hotshot cPhone has been designed to fit in my pocket with great comfort. Well, the iPhone is so slim the person sitting next to you surely believes you don't got enough cash in your pockets to carry a phone. Oh, I am sorry for ya guys, you are so misjudged.

iPhone vs Chinese Phone: Bluetooth Means Sharing

Okay, Bluetooth was invented keeping in my an easy method to share files wirelessly. If it was just about streaming on a Bluetooth Headphone/Headset, I am sure no engineer/scientist would have gotten his ass whooped up so much to invent Bluetooth. Thanks to the openness of the cPhone(s), you can actually share files through Bluetooth. Huh, those self-preoccupied idiots (including my brother) who own iPhones, ya'll never come to know what the hell Bluetooth was.

iPhone vs Chinese Phone: Cheaper - It's About Price

When I say cheaper, it's about the price and not about the quality. You guys are responsible for the decline of the Indian Economy, sending the good Indian money out. Aah, the hangover is visible on my fingers.

iPhone vs Chinese Phone: Encourages Lovers

There are a few Chinese mobile phones, so small in size or sometimes designed to enable disguise. Well, these days it's very popular among the lovers. So, if you know what I mean...

iPhone vs Chinese Phone: iPhone's Cover - 2 x My Phone

Well, had I been a rich guy, I would have bought a bike than buy an iPhone. I simply hate the fact that I could buy actually 2 phones like the one I am having now at the price at which I may or even may not be able to purchase a cover for an iPhone.

iPhone vs Chinese Phone: No Limitations - Charge From Wherever You Want

Another beautiful fact about cPhones is that they can be charged using any kind of charger. You don't need to go and buy another charger worth a million dollars if someday it goes nuts due to overvoltage. You can just spend a few hundred bucks and purchase a thin-pin Nokia charger and get the task accomplished.

iPhone vs Chinese Phone: No Discrimination, No Prejudices

I heard the term Japanese is synonymous to iPhone. So, either Japanese means iPhone or iPhone means Japanese, which means either every person who owns an iPhone must be a Japanese or every Japanese must have an iPhone.

Okay, cut the crap!

What I mean to say is, they've actually created another cast of people - Towis, abbreviation to "The One With iPhone". Well, the cPhone owners do not believe in discrimination, we're not prejudiced. A chinese phone owner neither means he's rich, nor means he's poor. (It only means we respect the economy) :D

iPhone vs Chinese Phone: Desirable Design and Size

Apple does not offer variable designs and sizes. There's just one poor company. How much can it offer. Apropos, enter the world of China mobile phones. As you know, the name itself is enough to let you know of the mighty power. They offer you not just thousands of designs as per your suitability, they actually have millions of brands you'd never come to know. So, who's big??

iPhone vs Chinese Phone: It Saves Life

I wish my brother is reading this. I want to tell him I care for him. Well, the iPhone 5 which becomes your darling at the rate of Rs. 45,550 certainly is a threat to life. In case you lose the phone (or even lost the goddamn charger), you'll first experience a drop in blood pressure, then symptoms of nausea followed by severe headache and stopping with your heartbeat. Dhummm and you're in God's own laps. May peace be yours, Sire. "SIGH"

iPhone vs Chinese Phone: Reduces Crime

Well, iPhone (disregarding all the cons that you're reading in this post) is a costly commodity and it is a stimulant to the guys who actually love your iPhones. They see it, they wanna have it (just because they know if they sell it, they can get an S4 with the money). Beware, fellas, you iPhone owners are banner carriers of crime. Yeahh !!

iPhone vs Chinese Phone: Addiction

Well, it depends upon your perspective. Is it a bad thing or a good thing, is what you think of it. Well, I believe addiction of any kind (except that of American Cheese Omlette and Lime Juice) surely is a bad thing. And to your dismay, iPhone has been certified as a severe addictive element by the High Court in India (don't Google it out, Apple killed the threads, well they're strong enough to do this) 

iPhone vs Chinese Phone: Dual SIM and Dual Card

Well, you know what I'm talking about, right. It's just another feature of the cPhones.

iPhone vs Chinese Phone: No Personality Defects (Somnambulism, Abnormal laughing, Uninvited Farts included)

According to a research done by students of Mahphinaiomiyuki University, Antarctica, iPhone users have been identified to have these defects as a part of their personality. Quite strange, 99.22% of the subjects didn't know they were having them. Besides, iPhone users have been identified to be withdrawn from the rest of the world, extremely self preoccupied, poor comedians and nuts of the millennium (they actually acknowledged they were fools to have bought the device when they could have gifted a gold ring to their wives with the very money). May God's mercy be with them, mine is. Period.

iPhone vs Chinese Phone: We Have Torch, Snake, Light, Radio, Keypad, Snake II, Voice Mold, Call Recorder, Easy Go Back, and the Trust of China !!

Well, am I right or am I right? We've got it all.

Well, now with all the reasons that I have given you, the iPhone owners, to really think about the mistake you have done in life, you can like and share the post and save the rest of men in your kin and wash away the sin of buying an iPhone !!!!

Posted on Jun 18, 2013 03:04 AM
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